Living with Our Dead by Delphine Horvilleur
French non-fiction
Original title – Vivre avec nos morts
Translator – Lisa Appignanesi
Source – review copy
I had partly read this when I was sent it. Then, I felt it would be best to put it to one side for Woman in Translation month as there are never that many non-fiction works covered, and this book needs to be better known. Delphine Horvilleur was only the third female Rabbi in France and has been the editor of a popular Jewish magazine for several years. A leading figure in the Liberal Jewish culture in France. She also became very popular during COVID-19 for her Zoom talks on Jewish texts, which even brought a non-Jewish audience to watch her videos. This book covers her dealing with the funerals, what she knew of the people, and how each person and funeral arrangement differs.
The Hebrew word for cemetery is a priori absurd and paradoxical. It’s beit chaim, the “house of life” or “the house of the living.” This isn’t an attempt to deny death or to conjure it away by erasing it. On the contrary: it’s an attempt to send a clear message to death by placing it outside language. It’s a way of making death know that for all its obvious presence in this place, it is not victorious; even here it will not have the last word.
The Jews understand this verse from the Torah, formulated in the book of Deuteronomy, as a divine injunction:
“I have put before you life and death… Choose life …
(Deuteronomy 30:19) To prove that they apply the commandment to the letter, the Jews invoke it and choose life in all circumstances.
L’Chaim, “To life!” they say each time they raise a glass, thumbing their noses at mortality
About Elsa funeral and the words chosen by Deplhine
She tells us of 11 services that she had been a rabbi and about the people, their families, and how she talked about their lives. I will pick two that really touched me; the first is the second funeral she talks about, and this is of the psychoanalyst of Charlie Hebdo, Elsa, who died in the massacre that happened at the magazine. Of course, the attack itself had to do with religion. This shows how she chooses quotes, and then in the service, a comment made me smile when she was described by a person at the funeral as a secular rabbi, which she takes well. But then, at the end, another person from Charlie Hebdo comes and says he would have her to do his service. I have seen this with a local person who has the talent she seems to have, and that is to connect with people. The second funeral is two funerals, but two people connected by one of the darkest moments. Simone Weil and Marcelina Lordina-Ivens, or as they called themselves, the Birkenau girls, had been in the same carriage to the Birkenau concentration camp. Both after the war wrote about the experiences Simone better known. I haven’t cover her but had reviewed Marcelina book a powerful book the two die with in months of each other when Simone dies she has many famous faces there and there is a line from Marcelina where she said Simone was the most beatuiful birkenau girl. A touching look at two women’s lives that saw the horrors of the world around them. This book is about how you deal with people’s lives, keeping them alive or the spirit alive to those a celebration of someone’s life.
Around us, a few women raised their eyebrows and gave us disapproving looks. I think the Simone within each of them was speaking loudly. Marceline, as ever, pretended not to hear.
At the end of his address, Emmanuel Macron announced that Simone Veil would be buried in the Pantheon. Marceline applauded noisily. “That’s wonderful for her,” she said, before adding, “But I’m warning you, I don’t want to be put in the Pantheon. Boring as hell there.”
Later, at Montparnasse Cemetery, Marceline spoke. She told us how her friend was a “hottie,” the most beautiful of the “Birkenau girls.” Her charm had worked on everyone throughout her whole life. Simone’s sons then recited the Kaddish, together with the two rabbis, a man and a woman, as they had wished, who pronounced the words of the ancestral prayer with them.
“Yitgadal veyitkadash shemei rabba …”
From Simone Veils funeral the comment about her from Marcelina
I said this book needed to be better known as it is a book that isn’t about death but more about how we celebrate those who pass and make them stay alive in those who attend the funeral. I said there was a local humanist preacher. I have been to several funerals where he has spoken about people I have supported or known. He has a great way of gathering information and making those he talks bout come to life. He is brilliant, and this is the sense I got from Delphine. There is a sense of why she is such a well-known Rsabbi in France. The way she talks about the people in the book makes them jump off the page. This book deals with death but makes you, as a reader, see the ghosts of those souls she is talking about. Have you ever been to a funeral and felt the preacher, no matter their religion, has done a great job at celebrating the life of those they are there to talk about?
Winston’s score- Just read it; I won’t score a book like this just feel you should read it!


















